when life confronts

07Jun05

I had my own large fortress. The rules were mine. I drew them from the world where I felt it made sense. If they didn’t, I made my own.

There are a few things I have very strong opinions about. Principles that I would not forego even in the face of the worst. Beliefs that I felt were true beyond any questions. Attitudes I considered to be my proud possessions. The fortress wouldn’t budge at any levels of stress. Stress only made it stronger.

And then we spoke.

My first instinct was ‘Big deal!’. But as we spoke more, and then a little more, my energies began to zap. And zap fast! I hardly managed to speak a word, rendered absolutely dumb by stunning jolts of shock and surprise. The words fell into my ears like a hailstorm of asteroids. Palpitation increased. For a person who gets rarely emotional about anything, palpitating at a piercing pace is too much of a newness.

But that’s what I did. I tried to speak, but words kept dissolving into my throat. Things I would normally have dismissed with nonchalant snickers were roaring up the street, confronting me and making me rumble at my own thoughts. For the first time in a very long while, I felt the emotion which has literally become a non-occurrence in me these days – fear.

Words are not always the true reflection of our self. I decided to see beyond the words that found its way into me. I decided to tussle with myself.

The calmness of mind, the serenity of thought, the silence of the psyche, the tranquility of heart, the stillness around us often comes to our rescue from unseen quarters for our seemingly alarming questions. Our tussles with ourselves lend a safer hand than vying for options from all around the world. And I realized, instead of questioning the veracity of reality, we are better off accepting and understanding reality.

Even if it means painfully foregoing something, for the hope of the best future.

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