it

09May05

I needed it. Badly.

I looked up to sky. It was flying. I pulled my back pack, stiffened my socks and ran like the hungry beast pursuing his prey. At the far distance, down where the sky met the earth, I could see it floating gently, hopping over the fragrance of soft flowers wetting its feet on the dancing dew. I took to my heels, for the beast that I was, I had sighted my prey. Time moved fast. I got to a hand-stretch from it and drew all my ravaging strength aiming a mighty blow to render it hapless. Meanwhile, it continued to float gently oblivious of my presence. Just when I thought it was all mine, like the feather in a gust it flew out of sight. I rendered my blow, but all I hit was the trail of fresh scented air that it had left behind.

I continued to run in its direction. This was not the day I would falter. Not again. Not this time. Never again. I ran until my foot were worn out. My eyes bulging with the enormous fatigue. My breath becoming perilously uneasy. My tongue drought of any liquid. Then, I saw it. I smiled. This time, just at a finger-stretch. My zapped energy level wouldn’t let me aim any more blows. I sought the easier way. I gently caressed my finger through the scented air and even more gently laid my hand on it. It would be mine at last. I had barely breathed another whiff of air and it flew. Far away. Eluding my gentle reach.

I continued to run in its direction. Again. Puffing and panting with every breath I took. My trembling legs and palpitating heart seemed no friends of mine. I ran braving myself. Against myself. Until, I fell down. Immobile. I felt a thousand hammers pounding my head. My heart was bleeding out blood. I saw planets revolving around my eyes. The nerves felt soldered to my bones. The cry of agony was deafening. I looked up to God and shouted ‘Why would you not let me get it?’. I couldn’t hear my own voice. God did not answer. I lay drenched in my tears. Tired. Barely making a move. Barely breathing.

And suddenly!! It stopped. The tears. The revolving earth. The pounding hammers. The cry of agony. They all stopped!! My heart was pumping fresh blood. There was a resolute silence. The silence at the moment was deafening. It was the moment of truth!! And in that moment of truth, the truth about it finally dawned on me.

It was here with me all along.

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